England are out of the World Cup, and you have to laugh. Whilst the 'minnows' of Turkey and South Korea march-on, England were well-beaten by a ten-man Brazil. Still, the press are already handing out the excuses; a young side, the absence of Gerrard, a freak goal, etc etc. Why can't they just face facts, it was men against boys.

Anyway, England, don't be too downhearted. You've already got the 2006 World Cup in the bag. We all new Japan was just a warm-up.

Show me the money

While English football fans wallow in self-pity, Welsh fans can take heart from more good news. The League of Wales looks set to land a lucrative Premiership-style sponsorship deal with Honda Cars. The Japanese firm will inject a reported £35,000 (yes that's thirty-five thousand pounds) into our national league.

It wasn't smiles all round though: David Sullivan, who owns a market stall in Swansea, thought he would clinch the deal himself. The angry market trader said, "When I heard the League Of Wales was without a sponsor, I really thought I could raise enough money to take advantage of this amazing marketing opportunity. Then the moneymen of Honda had to come along and spoil it. This is just typical of the aggressive policies employed by multi-national companies".

Moore please

In Rugby it was lovely to see there are still men of principle left in the professional age. We're talking about Andy Moore, of course. He's joined Bridgend for the sake of his career. Poor old Andy, who will receive a bumper £400,000 contract, rejected absurd reports that money was a factor. Why can't the Welsh public just accept Moore's reasoning, that Bridgend have more ambition than Swansea. The lad just wants to win some trophies - not the European Cup though, as Bridgend aren't in it.

Off with his head

Moving away from sport, we bring you news that will shock the nation. Socialist Republican and law lecturer, Tim Richards, faces charges of stirring up anti-royal feeling. He's alleged to have urged the public to paint disrespectful slogans of the Queen on a Trehafod visitor centre where she was due to appear. Though no slogans were painted, the original incitement charge still stands. If he's found guilty, he should be sent to the Tower: Where he can be hung, drawn and quartered for plotting against our beloved Queen Elizabeth.

Degrees of drunkenness

Finally, Bangor University may hit the record books for having the biggest queue ever. The public are lining up in their droves to be guinea pigs in a paid two-year study on alcohol abuse. Surely a dream come true for drinkers across the land!