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Combless
in Caerphilly
By Richard Davies 14/01/03
Caerphilly has more bald men per population than any other British town according to research commissioned by the Association of Trichologists. Local lad, Ian Watkins (aged 25), told Talk Wales that the news didn't surprise him as most of his mates are practically slapheads already. However, the good news is that the women love it - a claim backed up by 80% of females in the area who find baldies sexy. If you're thinning on top and are still not convinced of your sex appeal, there may be help at hand. Local folklore has it that a midnight swim in the local moat, or the application of a secret concoction of herbs and local cheese, invigorates the follicles. We remain sceptical, and yours truly will be sticking to the Bobby Charlton comb-over until further notice. 69 not out - it's just not cricket!
Those Caerphilly men fortunate enough to have a full head of hair will soon be pulling it out after the Government dropped their 'retirement plans' bombshell. With men allegedly living longer and pension plans collapsing faster than Welsh rugby defences, the Government is contemplating raising the male retirement age to 70. Can they actually guarantee that we'll live beyond that milestone? We think not! Talk Wales actually argues for a reduction in Wales to 55 - afterall, we're a special case. Just look at the evidence; a diet of beer, fags and fried breakfasts, an exercise regime involving pool, darts, cards and a walk to the pub, - plus, to top it all, nagging women. When all this is taken into account, the average Welshman is lucky to reach 50, let alone 70. Mr. Blair and Co. Think again!
There's more cause for concern this month as hereditary peers look set to lose their seats in the House of Lords. The peers are now planning to sue the Government for a million pounds each, as well as taking their cases to the European Court of Human Rights. Lord Lloyd-Williams of Tenby told Talk Wales, "these seats are our personal possessions, legally paid for - only to be stolen from us by leftie fanatics." We can have nothing but sympathy then for a persecuted minority whose achievements, such as blocking the Government's Hunting Bill, seem to count for nothing!
Finally, Cowbridge was overwhelmingly voted Wales' poshest place in a Talk Wales poll. At a black-tie, informal dinner in Colonel Louis Windsor's modest home (pictured right), the bubbly flowed freely as the local movers and shakers toasted their success. "It's an honour," said local Barrister's wife Beatrice Smyth, "though don't get the wrong idea, this is not some kind of elitist society. Anyone with a disposable income of half a million, and the right background, can join our little community," she added. |
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