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Wales
loses Death Race 2002
By Richard Davies 09/11/02
Wales was in mourning this week after being soundly thumped by the North of England in the 'Early Death Stakes'. Despite Blaenau Gwent and Merthyr showing strong nicotine, alcohol and blood cholesterol levels, they were no match for the Mancs and Liverpudians. Neil Davies, a thirty stoner from Blackwood, was philosophical about the result in a Talkwales interview, "Ok, we lost, but for a small nation we've done ourselves proud. With the wrong foods, no exercise and increased stress levels, we can die before the best". He's so confident, he's already had his gravestone knocked up. Mixed news for smokers
Talking of vices, Welsh smokers can now enjoy an allowance of 3000 cigarettes from a trip abroad. Unfortunately, the bad news is that there's a chronic shortage of lung cancer specialists in Wales - let's just hope the few specialists remaining don't die of passive smoking.
The Government has rejected calls for St. David's Day to be declared a public holiday. Talk Wales interviewed entrepeneur Lord Beacon who said, "after the setbacks of the minimum wage and the shorter working week, this decision is a victory for common sense and big business". The 'self-made' Welsh millionaire added, "even more public holidays would be detrimental to productivity, thus cutting profits made in sweat shops and forcing firms to move operations to the Far East where workers are less greedy and lazy". Losing money making money
Finally, it appears that substantial sums of money have gone missing from the Royal Mint at Llantrisant in recent years. " I can't understand it", was the reaction of former employee Bill Jones speaking from his Marbella mansion, "before I left, a couple of years back, it was making a fortune".
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